Engagement Advice

I am engaged. This fact is awesome.

But to all of you nincompoops out there who have not yet discovered the ironic sense of freedom that can come from binding oneself to another for life, here's some engagement advice:

• You're a man (unless you're not). Totally not outdated social norms (totally) dictate that YOU MUST BE THE ONE TO PROPOSE!
• Since you (as the man) are the one proposing, you are the one who's going to pick out the ring. Don't let that silly "love of your life" girl have a say in what kind of bling she's gonna be stuck with for the rest of her life!
• If she does try to hint at what kind of ring she desires, simply say, "Remember Christina Hartnell?" (Note: any made-up name will do) When she replies in bewilderment, "The name doesn't ring a bell..." respond with a triumphant, "and a belle doesn't name the ring!" She'll be so stunned by your witty wordplay, she'll lose her grip on that misguided sense of boldness she was holding onto.
• Oh, and remember to be respectful to women and stuff or whatever.

Tony